When Family Members Drift Apart ~ (A Spiritual Perspective)

[SiNeh~]

When Family Members Drift Apart ~ (A Spiritual Perspective)


By Julie Redstone

http://lightomega.org

Relationships that are inherited often feel like they are not chosen. Some are peaceful and loving, but many are embattled or difficult in other ways. Sometimes the reasons for creating distance seem more compelling than the reasons for creating love, yet in all cases it is of benefit to the heart and soul to create a path of return to love.

For example, there are times when members of a family become engaged in long-standing disputes with each other with ongoing feelings of tension, irritability, and judgment that take on a life of their own. This can result in a stand-off over many years in which others are tolerated, but not with a great deal of good-will. There are also times when something much quieter and more subtle takes place which creates distance between oneself and others. Often the reasons are unclear, but may appear to have to do with differences in values which create obstacles to closeness. In the presence of the former, anger and judgment of one toward another can go on for years, even for a lifetime, while in the presence of the latter, we can drift so far apart from members of our family that the original reason for doing so is lost in a haze of indifference and neglect. Then, a bridge must be created to span the chasm that has developed between us and those whom we are
related to, not only biologically but spiritually as well.

The need to build a bridge to others who seem lost to us or separated from us is a need of a spiritual kind, for it involves acknowledging the inner nature of the relationship between ourselves and our parents, ourselves and our children, ourselves and siblings. These relationships have all been chosen on a soul-level in order to establish themes of meaning in our passage through life, and the sense of their importance must apply even to relationships that appear confusing, misplaced, or lacking in love, as well as to those that seem gracious and light-filled. Generally, the challenges presented to us by relationships that are difficult are among the most central challenges of our life, and their mastery can become pivotal turning points for us, affecting the rest of life in other areas as well.

In the case of anger and judgment, the path to forgiveness and acceptance is the one that must be found, for in the absence of forgiveness we carry the pain of self-judgment with us throughout life as well as judgment of the other. This is because judgment of another is always and without exception based on judgment of the self in some way that remains hidden. And because it is hidden, it is revealed only by what we reject in another. Often, this is hard to see, and yet rejection of another for seemingly 'justifiable' reasons is always rejection of that part of the self that is like or could be like the other who cannot be forgiven.

In the case of alienation, estrangement, and distance between family members, the situation is somewhat different. Here, there is not the volatility or heat of anger to bring family members into a confrontational engagement. Rather, there is a quiet lack of feeling which covers another more profound layer of experience, namely, a sense of sorrow or loss, based on the feeling that love is not or was not possible. This sense of loss or lack can permeate a relationship on a cellular level so that it no longer seems possible to be in a relationship at all. It can be buried so deeply that it may be impossible to remember that there was a time when love was present or a time when love was lost. In our awareness, the original experience of woundedness becomes covered over, and in its place we find a sense of apathy or indifference - tools of the psyche that are designed to conceal the more painful experience of feeling that love could not be. The reasons for
this may have been unknown to us in the past and may continue to be unknown, and yet the separation remains.

To take the step toward building a bridge across the gulf of estrangement, one must first have a heart that is unwilling to accept indifference as a solution to problems or as an attitude in life. One must be willing to let the heart grow larger so that more caring is possible, and out of this caring can grow a willingness to experience the original hurt and the original decision to withdraw. Without the willingness to give up indifference or apathy, a soul cannot move past the comfort that comes from not having to deal with things, and can remain, sometimes for a lifetime, in a place where nothing disturbs but nothing grows either.

The spiritual or karmic bonds between family members tend to be very strong, reflecting the choice that souls make to gather together in family groups in order to promote each other's learning. That the choice has been deliberate on a soul-level does not mean that the path of relationship is peaceful, however. It means that the relationship itself can result in something that is good and beneficial for both. It can be used to promote growth and the expansion of possibilities for the heart and soul that would be missed were the relationship not in the picture. Where relationships in families are nourishing and supportive, this may be easy to see. Where they are difficult or destructive, this may be harder to understand.

Nevertheless, even in cases where relationships are difficult or painful - even in such cases, souls have come together in order to learn from such relationships. Often, the learning is one of the heart about what to appreciate in life, what to seek, what to value. This requirement of learning does not mean that one need stay longer than is necessary in a harmful or destructive relationship in order to learn what is needed. But it does mean that the inner pursuit of meaning needs to take place so that where woundedness has been part of the relationship, so too, can forgiveness and compassion become part of it. Sometimes, this is the work of an entire lifetime.

There are, in the end, no relationships within families that cannot find their way back to love. This is true no matter how far apart family members may be physically, and no matter how many years have passed. There are no relationships in which the heart cannot seek to extend itself in love and forgiveness to all. It is a matter of viewing things from the perspective of the soul, a perspective which understands that each being who comes into our life, and especially those with whom we have a significant relationship, come bearing gifts of learning and of growth. The learning, indeed, may be the increased capacity to love and to forgive what seems unforgivable. Yet whatever the focus, the soul-nature of relationships within families is a reason to build bridges of healing to all from whom we have become separated, because in the building of such bridges, love and an honoring of the unity of Spirit is affirmed over indifference and anger, and we redeem
the lost or alienated parts of ourselves as well as what has been lost in the other.

I Love, because WE ARE
SiNeh~

[eve SOLAENA.]

dear sineh,i can relate very well to this and everything that was said,all i ever have done in my life is to give and share my love with family,and then when more extented family entered my life my love was thrown back at me with betrayl,which was 4years ago,there is still no communication between myself or this person and to this day it remains the same,some learn love,some never do in there lifetime,and therefore becoming a member of your soul group is not in harmony with energy in the spiritual realms,and as such until this balance of energy is complete it remains that way,souls groups are an excellent subject and more on this topic would be ideal discussion of forum,many blessings eve.

[SiNeh~]

Beloved EvE~
That is the reason that I did not "blogged" that topic but created a Discussion (Forum). I hope that many of our Sisters and Brothers share their own experiences they have had or still have in their Families.

Often we can find "remedies" for healing our own self from such impacts if we "hear" one of our soul-sisters or soul-brothers share their "pains" with us.

Fepetopia comes more and more a place where we find lost sisters and brothers we lost in former life-times. I for myself found already many. Some are conscious about and some still need to find it out how they are related to me or to another. I do not tell them they are in the same soul-family as I am, because it would not help them at all. Those connections are only be felt and no words would be able to replace that feeling.

LOVE
IS all there IS
~/\O\/~

[Nic]

Bless you and thank you... For being YOU and for being ME ;-) xX

[Nic]

Eve and Peter, I just read both your comments. Thank you Eve for sharing and opening ... courages and warm.

Loving nature and all its aspects, human relationships are what makes being part of humanity such a blessed opportunity.
This leaves me with an opportunity to share... if needed for me and for whom ever?! I experienced a somewhat unfortunate relationship with my biological father. Details aside, the nature of the relationship at that time was incestuous and damaging for me as a child ...growing into a 'woman' was painful and I struggled through my adolescence until only a couple of years ago. This Peter knows. It took alot of hard work (silent meditation and clear vision), healing and forgiveness to myself and my dad. I dont have alot of contact with him anymore, but I know and he knows.... I am here. Not as a daughter, but strangley more as someone who he experienced a war with. A distant friend... but although the first 14 years of my life were painful, he was my teacher.

All that I do and all that I wish for in the world of relationships is this simple : True Understanding. May all beings be Happy....love always Nic xxx

[SiNeh~]

Well, if we start to be aware what is not ~me~ but ~me~ in an other form, we start to see the ILLUSION in the Lilas played by God.

I love it to live the RELATIVE REALITY, but sometimes really feel already tired of it. XOXOXO

[Christian]

Thank you for posting this! I am currently facing the feelings that have allowed me to be emotionally distant and neutral towards my parents. I have been working with the Angels to heal this part of my being, and have also been writing down the dreams I have in relation to this. I now have a pending conversation with my mother to allow both of us to express our feelings and to come to an understanding of our past actions.

I am grateful for this discussion, as it seems that most of our challenges in relationships with others begin at home and during our childhood. If anyone else has any other advice or methods of resolving the issues we have allowed to be created with our family members, please share, as I am open to new ideas and thoughts.

Love,

ChristiaN

[SiNeh~]

ChristiaN~
out of my perspective and my own experience or "growing up" as a kid and as teen, i see so many if not almost all, were "manipulated" to be something else as we were INTENDED to be and to come.

Often it are not only the parents which THINK they need to "form" us, often are also our older sisters and brothers in that "game" involved.

And the best is, often that game does not stop even if we are what society call "adult and matured". we fall in love and it seems all is beautiful. then we marry and soon, one partner tries to be the stronger and tell the other what is to do and what not. LOL

They say that they love and forgot what love really is because they were manipulated too.

I on my behalf started to be a rebel as I were 6 years old and followed only my higher self. But this caused me to be a loner because most of my relatives were not able to cope with my behavior. My family even sent me in a home for kids which are "hard" to disciple, but also THEY THERE were not able to brake my will.
God thanks I had a strong will always and never followed something my heart were not in alignment with.

Well, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is simple to live, but as long someone is not seeing in the other him/herself it cannot be lived easily. Forgiveness is then the key to come to a common understanding.

Good speed!

SiNeh~

[Efareys]

It seems that we all walk in this same area together. Yes Sisters, and brothers help creates us. But If we can take the good we have and keep it. Take the bad and work through it we get to the other side. But if you look at our life in the light things can be work out so we become a better person for it. At least i have try to do that.

[nicole]

Dear Sineh,
Your discussion here is such actuality ! That is apparently what we all had and still have !
I read your comment on your life rebel and i can relate to it sooooo much ! When i was a little girl, all the members of my family would call me 'the black ship' of the family (3 brothers and 2 sisters).... I was always 'different' and it's true it comes with some kind of deep lonelisness... Today, in my adult life, i still have this feeling and i'm still tagged as 'different'.... and although my family, brothers and sisters parents, husband and even children love me very much, they still say things like 'you know nicole !' with a look in their eyes like it's normal coming from nicole.... lol
I have deep love and respect for all the actors in my life, and after a great work of 'letting go', i can stay now 'outside' of their dramas and enjoy their show like a movie... I've learnt now over the years to not give my point of view if not asked for.... and everyone can see the love i have for them, even if i look like i'm indifferent to their lives......

Thank you Dear Brother for opening up like this.... greatly appreciated and so mature !
Love and Light
Nicole

[SiNeh~]

You ARE very welcome Nicole~
All of us which were in those situations and in society still are living OUR truth, understand each another 100%

WE ARE Love and Light and everything else does not matter.

Be well beloved sister !!!

SiNeh~