catpalmer's Page

I am a 36 year old African woman.

Ever since I was a child I have always felt lost, and not belonging anywhere. You see at the age of two I was adopted, but I was always told who my biological parents where and to a certain extent even though it may sound strange, I can some how still remember my biological Dad taking me to my Mum and Dad's house at the time and telling me whilst we were heading there that it was for my own good or for the best and to make a little boy happy because his Mum and Dad could not have any more children and that him and his family would love a little girl... (anyway something to that effect).

Side note: Was I not good enough for my Biological Mother? I was her only child at the time, my five other siblings did not come about until after I was moved, and amazingly enough four of my other siblings share the same biological father as me...the point is why me?

I can remember going to my biological mothers' house and spending some time there and then going to my biological Dads' house and spending time there (my biological parents never married). At the age of four (late 1977) our family ( my non-biological parents are who I call Mum and Dad) moved to Italy and I can remember having a normal happy life, everything was there, the wheather was lovely. Even though we encountered the occasional racism, we never considered it hostile...but more a case of as soon as they understand us, we will all get along, (which was always the case).

I know that, that period of my life was wonderful, because I remember it so fondly and the little memories that come to me constantly make me chuckle.

However in 1983 my father finished his diplomatic job and we headed back to Africa, this is when things started to make little sense to me...You see I grew up in a loving family where, Sundays was for going to church and then going for a Picnic, or my mother's favourite which was to catch the famous Sunday markets in Rome and haggled her heart out..(It was so funny to watch....especially when Mummy's Italian was so poor).

Unfortunately back in Africa at the age of eleven, I soon found out that people where not always what they seemed, and the interest my parents had for my brother and I seemed to have shifted, in the sense that they were no longer around us, but that we were being looked after (if you wish to call it that), by every one else other than Mum and Dad. It may have been a culture thing.

In March 1985 something happened which has had the greatest impact in my life:

I was always suffering Malaria attacks, I seemed a magnet for it. So this afternoon as I was very ill, I was in my bedroom sleeping, when I heard my door open, so I tried to raise my head to see who it was checking up on me, as was done all the time. But this time at the door stood a beautiful blonde caucasian female, who gently walked to my bed and sat down, during this time however even though I could see her I could not speak or move. It felt like someone had pinned me to the bed and I was maybe having a nightmare, but it wasn't frightening. (make of it what you will...lol)

Anyway when she sat down, she started speaking....she told me that I was gonna lose someone and that I should not worry...that this person's funeral will be packed and no one would be admitted to the funeral without an invite.. (yeah invite....strange...). then I really cannot remember how she left my room or anything else. After the occurence I jumped out of bed ran down the stairs and told my Mum what had happened, she of course said it was the fever and that I was hallucinating. So I made no more mention of it.

On the 27th of March 1985 my biological father died and, as he was a politician and high ranking one too, invites to his funeral were necessary to contain the crowds. This made an impact on my life on a personal level. Why? I have so many questions which I think my father could have only been the one to answer, so therefore I feel like I am drifting and unsure of many things.

I have never shared this with anyone apart for my Husband and 13 year old daughter

This however spiralled me into making the worst decisions in my life.

I allowed myself to be physically and emotionally abused, I would take blame for things I did not do because it created the (image) that I was doing the right thing even though I would get punished for it. I pretended not to mind when Mummy and Daddy started to forget my birthday. Basically I no longer knew who I was because I spent so much time pretending.

During my first marriage (1998 -2004) (in 2004 I left the marriage and started to review my life)I soon learnt the art of being a professional lier, I would lie to any and everyone to make my husband and my marital life look perfect, even though there were so many cracks in the relationship, and not to mention the violence that the marriage carried...after a while violence is hard to disguise.

Between 2004 and two thousand and six, I spent the time stabilizing my children's life and my life, and trying to regain the balance which I had totally (I mean totally) lost grip of. But in 2006 I met my husband (No 2) and through having a relationship with this man, that I have learn't to love another being who I did not give birth to. For the first time I was shocked, surpised at how gentle a person can be even when I know they are raging with anger on the inside... This relationship and the calmness of it has made me ask all sorts of questions.

I have spent the past 2 years asking myself who I really am and what my purpose in life may be:

My purpose in life is to take care of the lives I have brought into this world and of those who are giving me the privilege of being a step parent to be a guide to them. Make them aware that they should be free thinkers, free individuals...FREE... but to always have a conscience as that never leaves you.

I am a free soul, I am free spirit and I love me and by learning to love myself.. I have learn't to love all..even those I thought or believed to dislike/hate.

Now I want to know about Government actions, the existence of UFO's, New World Order, Chemtrails, Niribu and so much more, because now I need to understand the planet...my planet...my home.

When January 2008 started, I believed within myself that several things were about to change. I was certain that aspects in society were about to change, but it had more to do with those in high power losing social standing and those less in the limelight that had been struggling for some time would be elevated and be recognised. But then in 2008 with the collapse of the Banking Industry, the Election of Barack Obama, the surging interest for everything vibrational (Awakening)..every conspiracy seems to be coming true.... (Maybe I am the only one with these thoughts...)


I am looking for people like me who may be going through some shifts and are awakening, so that we can share the experiences and check out whether we are all going crazy, or if we maybe need to look into things a bit more deeply.